Diamond spade to dig up club hearts
Free pdf download below.
Illustrations and tables of contents, comin’ for all three suits, by the end of June. For now, please enjoy them, in raw form.
I like ranking things, almost as much as i like the number 13. So here is the first half of the first installment of Top 13.
All ratings are biased, but personally assured by totally good taste. Ive consumed a lot of media and always aspired to reach better and better entertainment. You’d be hard pressed not to find something to enjoy about the content in these lists.
If you have youre own lists, please leave em in the comments section.
Without further a do. Here are some lists.
Casino circles in an ancient pyramid scheme
Written in 2017, during a messy move, new job jive and muse blues. It is the second part of the Casino canon. Illustrations and a table of contents will be added within the month. Free pdf download available by clicking ‘Book Of Clubs” title link.
Casino circles in the ancient pyramid scheme
Digging thru a house of cards
Digging thru a house of cards
Illustrated stories, poetry, comics and art series
Comics for the dead or dying
Join the club.
List of small highs, for big lows.
Digging thru a house of cards.
A masked figure wanders a wasteland, in search of life.
A holiday season in hell.
Collected and connected comic series
1. Clean up: Room, clothes, car, bathroom (very important. Scrub that toilet!), house, yard, kitchen (also very important), work desk, cat, van, ect.
2. Wash yourself: buy some nice smelling soap and shampoo. Citrus is a favorite of mine. Try to spring for some hippy-ish shit. It’ll make you feel better about yourself. Bathe or shower for awhile. Scrub your sadness
3. Treat yourself, but not too much: buy a shrimp dinner, take that road trip vacation, buy a sword, eat that cookie (fuck. Eat two), drink a nice red wine, sleep in a little.
4. Get some fuckin sleep: this should be number one. It makes all the difference. If you don’t sleep well, make a routine. Relax without any stimulation a couple hours prior to your slumber time.
5. Organize your life: start with the mess on your desk and shelves. Make it efficient. Move on to the kitchen (very important) make it a easy place to cook up somethin good. Organize your priorities and goals even. Start at home, move inward, then outward.
6. Quit looking at screens: TV, video games, cell phones, computers, slot machines, whatever. It’s all a simulation for something missing in your life. Quit distracting your desires digitally and live dammit… except for this website. Minimyst is good for you. Keep checking in constantly or on the 13th. Minimst.com it’s good for you
7. Quit listening to me and others: listen to your heart and all that cheesy shit. Your instincts know best.
8. Words: sticks and stone will break your bones, but words can make you kill yourself. Quit diagnosing yourself as depressed. It’s a hex. Define yourself as goin thru some shit. Get rid of nasty phrases and words that attatch like a parasite. Redefine your life and struggles. Change your words.
9. Get out: easier said then done for some, but cmon. Just leave. Go out, be sad somewhere other then your house. Your world can’t change, if you don’t go out in the world and try to change it. Doesn’t have to be big, small, fun or eventful. Just start. Just go. Get the fuck out.
10. Do something: draw, sing, play an instrument, dance the cha-cha, make a movie, hike a hill, cast a spell, write a poem, check minimyst.com, walk the dog, just walk somewhere, sculpt a bowl, plant a garden. Do something productive, in real life. Make something. Get physical and creative. Force it at first, if you need to. It’ll build eventually.
11. Find beauty: go to a national park nearby or afar. Wander the roads near the places you always go. Explore the beautiful world around. If you live in a shithole. Beautify your surroundings with shawls, cool lights and plants.
12. Eat good food: doesn’t always have to be nutritious, but it shouldn’t be artificial sustenance. Learn to cook. It’s like life. You don’t have to be a fucking chef. Go to a grocery store, buy ingredients. Make a soup if your poor, make a fancy steak and shrimp dinner if your upper crust. Take the time to cook and prepare food that tastes good. If you can do that, You can eventually learn to cook at life
13. Talk to strangers: Even if they seem to have nothing to offer. Try to spark a conversation. Ask about their day. Take whatever they say (even if contrived or mundane) have them elaborate. Compare yourself eventually and you’ll connect in some way. Keep doing this and eventually you’ll connect with the strange world of strangers and yourself.
14. Fall in love: doesn’t have to be a person (though that is preferable in most cases. Can cause extreme suicidal depression cases in others). Learn to love something. About yourself, about your city or family or friends or cat. Love a book or a movie, if you have to. Try to work that heart out. Find a spark.
15. Listen to good music: bowie, ect.
16. Talk to people: talk about that sadness, if you need to. Try to laugh or make something though. Do that more then replay your hurt. If you don’t have people, talk to your cat.
17. Pray: to god, satan, world or self. Someone’s listening. Connect with the otherworldly forces outside.
18. Re-plan: examine your situation. Do what you want within reason. Scrap the schemes and live your dreams
19. Quit thinking so much: stop it
20. Meditate: easier said then done, when your brain is screaming, but try to shut it off for a 10 20 minutes
21. Distract yourself: not for long, but until you can get a ball rolling.
22. Subtract yourself: don’t take it personally. Whoever hurt you, was taking out their hurt. Whatever hurt you, hurt you because of pride and ego. Transcend you’re attachment and you’ll remove the parts that hold pain.
23. Embrace the contradiction. Life is paradoxical. This list is too. Things don’t always make sense, by modern definition.
24. Get lost: lose yourself for a night. You might find something.
25. Look up: there’s more up there, then down here
26. Write about it: focus the pain. Put it on paper. Make it concrete. Scrap it or keep it as a reminder.
27. Learn: take on new knowledge. Overload your weary brain.
28. New clothes: dress new. Make it spicy. Put some colors on. Mourn in black. Try to look good, you may just feel good.
29. Change or embrace your circle: if they’re unhealthy. Fuck em. Find better support. If they love you. Love them back. The love will feel good when open and honest
30. Look at patterns: where’s the triggers? Who’s involved? What’s involved? Track it’s footsteps. Correct the trajectory.
31. Try to win: start at the arcade. Work your way up to your inner battles. Beat an unhealthy habit or thought for just one day. Recruit positive inner tools to combat the traumas.
32. Cry: let it out. It’s natural. Pour it all out. Slam the ground. Feel the rock bottom and get up. stand tall.
33. Life will get better: I’ve wanted to end it multiple times. I want to end it now, as I write, but ya know, life got better. I had beauty and love after ugly dark bitterness. Didn’t last long, but it was wonderful while it lasted. Made 28 years worth living.
34. Pick up smoking: probably terrible advice, but hey, They work for me… sometimes. Light one up
35. Hit the bottle: sometimes feeling drunk, is feeling something. Get fucked up. Forget your problems. Don’t make it a habit.
36. Quit drinking or smoking eventually: addiction is a chain binding and habit a cage. Break em and you’ll break free. Well… from those things at least.
37. Seek freedom: the feeling can grow into a tool to free yourself from melancholy mantras. Break each chain.
38. Motivating mantras: repeat strong words, phrases and plans, out loud and loud if you can. Let the world know, where you want the world to go.
39. Say yes: take em up on it, go out of your comfort zone. May not be your cup of tea, but it’s a cup of something. Fill your cup.
40. Deep breaths: learn to breathe again. It’s easy to lose air, when your in the ground.
41. Don’t let them win: if you can’t win. Don’t let them. Force a tie or better yet, don’t play that game.
42. Get naked and go outside: strip away your heavy clothes and remember your biological place. You’re a strange species on a giant perfectly aligned and designed sphere of life, cycling two magical orbs, thru a infinite universe of stars and cosmic creation.
43. Get naked and dance: now that your material attachments are shed. Shake it. Shake it all off.
44. Just dance: make that a quest. Find a beat or song (punk rock or james brown, usually does the trick). Go wild. Dance your past off.
45. Get sweaty: can’t cry if there’s not enough wetness.
46. Drink water: water is life.
47. Wander: go where you usually wouldn’t. Walk or pace your way thru space and time. Don’t seek, just find.
48. Engage your senses: your heart might be dead, but you’re brain aint. Engage it with stimulation. Sights, smells, tastes, touch, hearing and any sixth sense shit you can channel.
49. Feel again: hard to feel anything, when our everything is/was lost. Start with anger and sadness. Cant be too empty, if you feel those. Feel em and know, you can build on top of them. Use them as hard stone, for a foundation. Keep em in the ground though.
50. Quit trying so fucking hard: just do what comes to you. Fill your void, with most everything life offers.
51.forgive yourself: we ain’t perfect and were hardly good. Be good to your world around, what you truly think is good. You’ll feel slow redemption.
52. Aint no saving: superman and Jesus aren’t coming for you. You’ll get help, but you are the only one who can save and protect your world.
53. Forget: unlearn. Life doesn’t always have good teachers or lessons. Some teachers are creeps, others are just as disheartened as you. Some lesson are outdated or propaganda. Not all are holy, but they can all be learned from or unlearned to.
54. Start the climb: down from the tower or up the next mountain. Get dowm and go up.
55. Forgive life: the world you think Is out to get you, only seems that ways, because you’re out to get life. It doesn’t always work out, just like you dont. Don’t take it personal, just live into the life you want.
56. Be ready: get clean, fed and prepared, before all else. Day can start at any time. The call to lifd is sudden and often terribly timed. Try to be early. Be fine with being late, if you’re there at all.
57. You are here: realize that. Where here is. Not what you think it is or represents. Thats there. You’re here.
58. Give: time, effort or money. Give back and give yourself to a giving world. May be stingy at times, but you get what you put in. Donate what you can. Especially to minimyst.com
59. Support others: makes you feel like you can support yourself. Help em, like you’d like to be helped.
60. Take: take what you’re given or offered. May not seem like a lot of what you need, but it’s a gift, someone or something thought you should have. Make the best of it.
61. Make the best of everything: you’ll be the fucking best and not get bested.
62. Open the windows inside: let some light in.
63. Connect the dots: read into things, look at signs, figure out the mystery. It’s probably not too complex. Figure ways of judgement, to close the case. Piece the big picture and see it as just another picture in a reel of film.
64. Not everything has meaning: don’t over read, overlook actual signs, lose yourself in grandiose mysteries. Sometimes it is what it is. See a tree as a tree. A person as a person. You as you. Me as me.
65. Dig: not a grave, but out of the hole. Once out on solid ground. Dig into the dirt and plant a tree. Literally or figuratively. Dig what you got around.
66. Be the fool: better then the man who was too wise to live.
67. Go to church: it’s a place of belonging. A place with a path. Might not be a place for you, but theyll accept you. Go there and soak it in. Worst case scenario, you just meet a bunch of nice people.
68. Appreciate the small things: it’s most of what we got and adds up to the big picture.
69. Reconnect with the earth: soak up the rain. Burn in the sun. Feel the grass on your feet. Remember you’re a human on a planet.
70. Fuck the modern associations that define and confine you: You are what you want to be. You can be different and have lived different. Be unique. Smile at the strangeness that’s been your life. Be what you want to.
71. Shed your shame: guilt is a construct. Forgive yourself and free yourself of the chains of civilizations captivity. You lived how you lived and are still living. If you don’t like what you did, don’t do it. If you liked a time in your life, do it again. You are your own judge and executioner. Fuck the jury.
72. Pursue your bliss: follow what makes you happy. If you can’t find that. Leave the things that kill your happiness.
73. Shoot a straight arrow: hit the marks. Practice your aim if you suck. Keep your eyes on the prize.
74. Feed some animals: birds are entertaining to feed. Give em some healthy bread. They’ll love you for it. Got a cat. Feed em something special. They’ll love you more. Feed the animals man.
75. Do what you need to do: you know what needs to be done. Fucking do it.
76. Minimyst.com: it’s good for you.
77. Find the higher power: it’s somewhere. Seek em out. Read some holy texts. Seek ancient wisdoms. Pray for signs. Rediscover your soul and the spirits around it.
78. Don’t take things so serious: learn to laugh a little. Smirk a painful half smile if that’s all you got. Life can be hell. Learn to laugh at it and it’ll feel like purgatory. Learn to dance in purgatory. It’ll feel like heaven.
79. I don’t know: I’m learning too. Accept not knowing and just go into the unknown.
80. Try to fly: embrace those high moments. You deserve em. Don’t feel ashamed to be happy at dumb shit. Just feel good, if it feels good.
81. Learn your scales: what’s good, what’s bad, whats happy, what’s sad. What is healthy, what is toxic, what is up and what is down. Balance yourself and achieve greater.
82. Deal with it: cut your losses. Deal and re-deal til the cards are in your favor.
83. Accept the fucked fate. Seek a new one. A truer one. A new old one. Whatever. Just move passed the past. Move on far.
84. Go to Japan: it’s great!
85. No fairy tales: life isn’t ideal. Dreams don’t always come true like you’d think. Happiness exists and love persists. It’s just fleeting.
86. Accept the temporary: nothing is forever. Good things may only last a few months, a few days or a few moments (years if you’re a lucky fucking bastard). Enjoy the hell out of em and work towards the next sweet chapter.
87. Look back: go back 7 years. Retrace all of the story you’ve had. See the Good or just interesting, and know it won’t be the same, but it could be even better. See the changes and persons you’ve been. Look at the times, then look forward.
88. Go forward: be a goddam shark. Keep on moving.
89. Find a path and stick to it: find a track, know how to get back and stay the course. Keep the destination in mind, but enjoy the journey. Find good times. If you cant do that, find interesting times. See where they go.
90. Rituals: use alchemy to materialize the inner. Form it with the outer. Bring in and bring out, what you will.
91. The list: read this list a few times. Share it with friends. Like it on myspace. Buy the book. Buy several. Distribute them to your whole family and friend circles. Post it everywhere. Put the rest in a pile and burn it.
92. Make your own list: don’t do 101. It gets contrived and weird. Do 10. Write your own remedies and self medicate with them. Make one up for #93
94. Make your own self:
95. Use the shit in your life: plant some seeds on it. Use it as maneur. Plant some shit trees. Life is grown and sustained from shit. Your shit is no different. Just be sanitary about it.
96. You’re almost there: complete what you got. Finish it up and move on to the next project. The next story. The next mountain. The next job. The next. The next.
97. Close the door: lock it up and leave. Its not your door. Its just a door. Open up the other doors outside your house. Kick em in if you have to. Learn to lockpick when you have time. Knock nicely and meet new neighbors and see nicer rooms.
98. Life: it’s worth living. It’s worth dying. It’s beyond your problems. It is your problems. It’s beyond you and me. It is you and me. The person breathing and reading this list. The person smoking and writing this list. The people who don’t know we exist. The world outside people. The universe outside this earth. Life is massive and we have it. We’re a part of this crazy infinite energy. Not apart. Let’s connect our lives with life. Let’s start living.
99. Sacrifice: grit your teeth and suffer. Won’t last too long. Find solace in exertion and effort. Hurt for your desires and enjoy the small, but building yield. Nothing comes easy. Work hard and die inside if need be. It wont actually kill ya. It’ll build you.
100. Death will bring change: don’t be afraid to kill beliefs and connections, in the pursuit of change. Embrace death. There will be a rebirth. Kill your fears. Kill your tears. Kill everything inside that harms you of your ressurection.
101. Live again: start anew.
Inifinite sadness in bright color
Fading to a stain
Blotching a good pair of work pants
Stitched in misery
Strains my eyes looking out
Wanna bash my brains on the ground
A total washout
When you cant fuck at all
Falling into a deep darkness
The depth measured
In shallow waters
Wanna drown in this white gown
Die right now
Its all that conjures
drawing from depression
Dark sides of the moon
dread always looming
Sound so emo
but Just got done crying
Want to end it all
Maybe after a bit more trying
Is drugs and dying dreams
family and friends
I barely get to see
So fucking broke
Can barely think
Life raised its taxes
My destiny in the ground
No more waiting
This weight is crushing
Trying my best
In a chapter without rest
Tested by god
Definietly getting F’d
Maybe its for the best
Perhaps divine jest
All seems apart of something
Hoping someday it wont just be nothing
A new way
Outta old way